Embracing Motherhood: A Journey of Support and Understanding

Becoming a mother doesn't have to define you, but it will mark you for the rest of your life

Yesterday, I spent the morning with a woman I doula’d for during both her pregnancies. We reflected on her births, noting how different each one was and the impact they had on her sense of self. She’s a classic Type A personality, thriving in a high-powered job at a major consulting firm.

The Unexpected Journey of Motherhood

She hadn’t anticipated that motherhood would hit her like this. When I first met her, mid-pregnancy with her first child, she approached it like an important work project. She dived into rapid knowledge acquisition, reading widely and doing her due diligence. She was realistic, layering her aspirations and anxieties with practicalities. Sensibly, she developed new coping strategies.

However, she faced a challenge. All the energy she was investing wasn’t quite enough. Despite her extensive reading, attending group classes, and following social media, she still felt uncertain. She was about to enter an unfamiliar environment and wanted to maintain control, dignity, and her sense of self. Although there was a lot of accessible information, knitting it together meaningfully wasn't as easy as it should have been. As bright and capable as she is, this was not something she could navigate alone. So, she invited me to support her during her first birth, and then, nearly three years later, for her second.

Seeking Support

So, why did this educated, smart, and determined woman invite me in? Here are some reasons:

1. Curiosity and Questions: She wanted to ask questions, explore the physical and emotional processes, and prepare fully.

2. Testing Ideas: She needed to discuss her preparation and plans, testing her ideas and challenging herself while grounding her expectations in reality.

3. Reassurance: She sought reassurance that she was covering all bases wisely.

4. Honest Conversations: She wanted to talk openly about contingencies.

5. Credible Insights: She recognised that much of what she saw online was polarised and designed for clickbait. She wanted credible and realistic insights.

6. Trust and Vulnerability: When the time came, she wanted to rely on someone she trusted, to be vulnerable and ask 'new mum' questions without feeling shut down or minimised.

7. Closure: She didn’t know it then, but closing the loop is essential. Discussing your birth, sharing it with others who were there, celebrating it, laughing, and even crying about it are all important.

8. Witnessing the Journey: She deserved someone to bear witness to the incredible feat of bringing a new human into the world.

9. Support of a Doula: In other words, she needed all the support of a doula but didn’t feel she needed one in the room with her.

   
   

The Nature of Birth

Despite our hyper-rationalised world, birth is much more than a rational, objective event. It’s a deeply personal and transformative human experience. Unfortunately, the maternity services we’ve inherited aren’t designed with this focus. They primarily identify and escalate risk and potential harm. While being aware of potential risks is sensible, it must come with balance. The issue is that there’s often no room left for the humanity of the experience. This leaves those of us who are feeling pregnancy, rather than merely observing it, feeling a bit exposed.

The Importance of Both Birth Experience and Balance

Becoming a mother doesn’t have to define you, but it will mark you for the rest of your life. How positively you experience your birth and how well you recover from it—regardless of how it happens—will impact your entire family. You all deserve something more than what is currently on offer. It’s not just about having the space and time to reflect on and prepare for motherhood; it’s your human right.

Looking solely at physical risk during labour and birth, without considering the whole woman, brings its own risks. It’s crucial to find a balance that acknowledges the emotional and psychological aspects of this journey.

Virtual Doula Support

If you'd like Virtual Doula support that looks like this, get in touch at charlie@thegoodbirthpractice.co.uk. Here’s what you can expect:

• An ongoing WhatsApp group with your partner from booking.

• Antenatal meetings to discuss birth planning and preparation.

• On-call support via WhatsApp voice and video call 24/7 from 39 weeks until your baby is born.

• On-call WhatsApp support from 7 am to 9 pm for two weeks after your baby is born.

• A postnatal visit.

• Resources, recommendations, and guidance during the Fourth Trimester.

  
  

Navigating motherhood can feel daunting, but with the right support, you can feel confident and prepared for a positive birth experience. Remember, you deserve to have your voice heard and your needs met throughout this transformative time.